The Presumptuous Dreamer : A blog by Patrizia Verrecchia about Italian Life and Double Identity

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The Presumptuous Dreamer

Experiencing change.

It is not yet a year since I started this blog, and reading my home page, I realized how much everything has changed. What I wrote six months ago is solidly past. Covid is still here, but it has changed too. It was a terrifying monster that overturned my life to the point that I have learnt to live with it. My plans and ambitions that were so rock-hard now fill all spaces like a liquid, which is not altogether negative. I still want to tell stories. I still want to be a bridge between the two cultures and the two languages that inhabit me. So my destination is the same, but the path is different:

Entering the park, confined by a footpath running along the fence wall on the right and a hedge of bushes and trees on the left, lays a meadow. The green climbs and then wholly disappears when it reaches the Pine Forest. The shade of centuries-old pine trees does not let the grass grow further. At one step from the hedge, another path created by feet and paws looking for a shortcut going up and down the slope looks like a line intentionally drawn parallel to the two vertical borders to interrupt the perfect rectangle of green.

A routine born from repeated action makes me always go up by the well-trodden path by the wall, then on my way back, I take the natural line made by busy humans and animals. One afternoon I was standing at the top under the pines, on my way down, and while looking at the green waves the wind painted moving the grass, I wondered why I had never crossed the meadow diagonally or zigzagging. You can walk on the lawns. There and everywhere else in the park. People are all around on the green, walking, playing, picnicking, and working out. So why was it so unsettling for me to think about changing my direction? I was scared! How silly! It was only a walk in the grass, a new track. In sunlight, no obstacles, no impairment, so? My heart started running when I put my first foot in the grass; it disappeared and was invisible from the ankle down. Then came the second, and tracing, in my mind, the diagonal path that would lead me to the main gate, I put one foot in front of the other surprised to see them emerge safely from the green sea. I was aware of the ridiculousness of having to call on courage to walk on a green field. I couldn’t see where I put my feet and didn’t know what I was stepping on. An exploration? What excessive feelings. My body was over-reacting and didn’t understand what was requested. My mind had lost the stakes.

That’s what I live when I make an essential change.

It is a difficult challenge, quite often impossible, but I must learn to make change part of my life since this world travels so fast and has decided to surprise me much more than I expected or imagined possible. Looking back to the past two years, first, we had a medieval-like pandemic, now a war in Europe. It seems like 1900 wants to last longer than a century. Furthermore, we can’t forget that the planet has been attempting to shake us off, as a dog does with fleas.

2000 we have imagined will come! But when?

A change of mindset is what I can do to open up to the future, even if I’m sure it won’t be easy and I’ll make many mistakes. They say letting go of the past is healthy, but everything except technology has stayed still for a long time.

I plan to walk every day in overgrown grass and see what happens. I hope you will come with me.

 

 

 

© Photo copyright Patrizia Verrecchia. All rights reserved.

 

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